Becoming Your Own Biggest Cheerleader, Darlin’

For the women who support everyone else while quietly wondering if they’re enough too.

Lately, I’ve been in it.

You know… in my feelings.

As my friend Renee and I always say when life starts life-ing a little too hard:

“Starting businesses and launching products are not for the weak.” 😂

And honestly?

They really aren’t.

Thank God I come from two strong women — my grandma Josie and my mom Sandy — because whew… putting yourself out there over and over again can crack open insecurities you thought you healed years ago.

Creating something from your heart is vulnerable enough.

But creating something from your heart while also hoping people will support it?

That’ll humble you real quick, darlin’.

The Quiet Ache

And before I go any further, let me say this clearly:

There are beautiful people in my life who support me deeply. People who encourage me, share my work, buy the tee, listen to the meditation, send the message, and remind me I’m not alone.

I see those people deeply, and I’m incredibly grateful for them.

But if I’m honest… there’s also been a quiet ache sitting underneath it all.

The ache of realizing some of the people I’ve poured into the most don’t always pour back.

And before anyone twists that into bitterness, let me say this:

I don’t give to people so they’ll owe me something later.

I support people because I genuinely love seeing others shine.

I know what it feels like to not feel seen…

so I try to make people feel seen.

I buy the thing.
Share the post.
Recommend the business.
Send the thoughtful gift.
Celebrate the win.
Encourage the dream.
Clap for people when they’re building something brave.

And somewhere along the way, I think a small part of me hoped that maybe if I loved people well enough… they would love me that way too.

But sometimes they don’t.

And that realization can stir up something much deeper than disappointment.

Because suddenly it’s no longer just about who didn’t support your latest post, project, dream, or idea…

It becomes connected to every old wound that ever made you question your worth in the first place.

“Sometimes feeling unsupported isn’t just about the present moment. It touches every old wound that ever made you question if you were enough.”

The Not So Darlin’ Part

At 48 years old, I feel like women are almost expected to pretend they don’t care anymore. Like we’re supposed to become these completely unbothered versions of ourselves.

And there are things I no longer give a damn about.

I’ve had to walk away from certain people.
Certain situations.
Certain versions of myself.

I’ve worked hard to get where I am today.

But this is the Not So Darlin’ part.

The part people don’t always post about.

It’s not all butterflies, healing quotes, meditation music, and rainbows.

Sometimes old wounds still split open.

Sometimes even after the light comes back in… the ache lingers a little.

And no, not every meditation magically snaps me out of it.

But it does help.

It helps me sit with myself instead of abandoning myself.

It helps mend what life has cracked.

And today I found myself asking:

Why do women sometimes struggle to support one another when all we hear is “women supporting women”?

My mom and grandma would’ve probably laughed and said,

“Because they’re jealous, Tonya.”

And honestly… I giggle at that now.

Because I’m a woman too.

Have I ever felt jealousy before? Sure.

But even in my darkest moments, I never wanted to dim someone else’s light.

I never wanted to fake support.

I just can’t be fake.

And honestly, I think sometimes people mistake kindness for being fake because genuine people have become so rare.

But darlin’, one thing I can promise you is this:

As a Libra, if I don’t like you — or don’t like something you’re doing — you’ll know it. 😂

I’m many things, but fake ain’t one of them.

Where Does This Come From?

So I sit here asking myself…

Where does this come from?

The feeling of being damaged.

Defective.

Like a marked-down product sitting forgotten on the clearance rack after life’s casualties.

Does it start with the first grader who got held back because she was “behind”?

Or the middle school girl whose crush didn’t like her back?

Was it the 13-year-old begging her dad not to leave?

Or the 17-year-old girl who thought she had found the best boyfriend ever… only to discover heartbreak, shame, and wounds she carried far longer than she admits?

Was it the sickness that followed?

The eating disorder?

The desperate attempt to control something when life felt completely out of control?

Was it the friendships I thought would last forever that slowly disappeared and never became the same again?

Or maybe it’s the stories I’ve told myself over the years:

The cheerleader who never made top squad.
The woman who never went to college.
The 48-year-old still wondering if she ever found her “career.”
The dreamer always starting something…
but never fully believing she could succeed.

Maybe after enough heartbreak, disappointments, abandonment, rejection, and unfinished dreams… you slowly start believing you are the common denominator.

And maybe that’s why feeling unsupported can hurt more than it should.

Because somewhere deep down, it touches the part of us still wondering:

“Am I enough to be chosen too?”

You Are Not Alone

I know I’m not alone in this.

And maybe that’s exactly why I felt the need to write about it.

To say it out loud.

To stop pretending we always have it all figured out.

To share the Not So Darlin’ parts too… so maybe another woman out there scrolling quietly in her feelings knows she isn’t alone either.

Because I have a feeling there are a lot of women carrying this same ache.

Women who support everyone else while secretly wondering why they feel unseen themselves.

Women clapping for others while struggling to clap for themselves.

Women trying to heal old wounds while still building businesses, raising families, showing up, smiling, surviving, and pretending they’re “fine.”

And somewhere in the middle of writing all of this, I found myself thinking about a meditation I created a while back called Safe Haven.

A meditation about learning to find refuge and security within yourself.

Because during seasons of self-doubt, loneliness, rejection, heartbreak, anxiety, or old wounds reopening… we naturally start searching for somewhere safe to land.

A person.
A relationship.
A friendship.
A compliment.
Support.
Validation.
Proof that we matter.

And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting love and support from others… I’m slowly learning that I cannot build my entire sense of worth around whether people choose me loudly enough.

I have to become a safe place for myself too.

A place that speaks kindly.
Encourages gently.
Stays when things hurt.
Doesn’t abandon myself the moment I feel rejected.

That’s the journey I’m still on, darlin’.

Not perfection.
Not constant confidence.
Not pretending I never care.

Just learning, little by little, how to sit with myself with more compassion.

So if you’ve been feeling unseen…
unsupported…
unloved…
or like your heart has been carrying more than people realize…

I hope this meditation feels like a soft place to land.

Not because it will magically erase every old wound.

But because maybe for a few moments, it can remind you that you already carry safety, love, and tenderness within yourself too.

Come sit with me, darlin’.