THIS BODY, THIS SUMMER
It’s the first week of June…
The season of sunshine on skin,
chlorine in our hair,
windows rolled down,
music blasting through the speakers,
and late evenings that somehow make us feel young again.
I’ve always been a water baby.
My mom put me in swim lessons when I was little. I remember tiny plastic pools in the backyard…
Heck, who am I kidding? I still have a baby pool sitting in my side yard now. Technically it’s for my dog… but don’t think I don’t take a dip in it every now and then too.
Sunburnt shoulders.
Popsicles melting faster than we could eat them.
Wet hair.
Barefoot summers.
Do you know what grocery feet are?
That feeling of running around barefoot so much during the summer that the bottoms of your feet somehow always looked a little dirty no matter what you did?
That was childhood summer to me.
As teenagers, my friends and I could not wait for Kentucky Kingdom’s Hurricane Bay to open. We’d stand in line forever just to get in.
Then we’d run straight toward the best chairs we could find like we didn’t have a care in the world.
Float around the lazy river for hours.
Lay in the sun laughing about boys, music, dreams, and whatever felt important at the time.
And let’s be honest…
mostly trying to get our tan on.
Back then, summer felt free.
And honestly… part of me still believes it should.
But somewhere along the way…
Ed showed up.
You know…
the one I mentioned before.
The voice.
The pressure.
The body image noise.
The full story of “Drop Dead Ed” may end up in the memoir I’ve secretly been writing for years now…
Titled Not So Darlin’.
Maybe one day it’ll end up on the bestseller list.
A girl can dream. Lol.
But what I will say is this… summer has a way of bringing those thoughts to the surface.
The comparison.
The swimsuits.
The photos.
The wondering if our bodies are “ready.”
And maybe you’ve felt it too.
Maybe you’ve looked at edited images,
filtered bodies,
perfectly posed vacations,
and quietly wondered…
Am I supposed to look like that?
Is my body enough for summer?
Or maybe you’re like me and randomly catch yourself thinking…
Damn. Why are my knees suddenly wrinkly?
Darlin’…
your body was never meant to be earned before you could enjoy your life.
It was never supposed to become a punishment project before you deserved joy.
Your body belongs in the sunshine now.
Not ten pounds from now.
Not after fixing every flaw.
Not after becoming more acceptable to the world.
Now.
And honestly…
that’s the kinder message I’m trying to embrace for myself this year too
Whether your body feels sculpted or soft,
strong or tired,
confident or complicated…
it is still worthy.
Every curve.
Every line.
Every changing version of you.
Beautiful because it’s yours.
And maybe true freedom isn’t found in finally loving every inch of yourself perfectly…
Maybe it’s found in no longer withholding your life from yourself.
Maybe healing looks like:
getting in the pool anyway,
taking the beach trip anyway,
wearing the swimsuit anyway,
being in the photo anyway.
Laughing again.
Living again.
Softening again.
And yeah, yeah…
I know some of you are going to say the sun is bad for you.
But for me?
The sunshine heals something in my soul.
It recharges my batteries.
It slows my mind down.
And yes… it gives me a good tan too.
Do I probably have some sun damage from it?
Absolutely.
But I also have memories attached to every freckle and laugh line.
Proof that I lived.
Proof that I soaked life in a little too deeply sometimes.
And honestly…
I think that’s kind of beautiful too.